Lost Turkey, Reward Offered

I bought the turkey home a few days ago. Our local mountains are loaded with flocks of wild turkeys and while they aren't especially fat, they're free for the taking. I turned it loose in my backyard garden. I figured it could eat the bugs and snails that are being a nuisance. I was hoping the extra protein would fatten him up a bit before the Big Day.

This morning I went outside to see how the feathered critter was doing, and he was gone. Vanished into thin air. I asked around the neighborhood, but all I found out was that someone was keeping cows in their backyard. I hadn't heard about that. Now the old fella that told me that has trouble seeing clearly, but his ears work just fine. That's why I believed him and it made me pretty hot under the collar. One turkey is nothing; a herd of cows is something else.

I also found out from the lady down the block that she'd heard a pig oinking and squealing somewhere in our neighborhood and since we aren't zoned for livestock, she told me she's going to find out who's hiding the pig and then call the zoning commissioner.

The man around the corner told me he thought some flamingos had escaped from the San Diego Zoo cuz he'd seen some over by the canyon. I wondered how flamingos could get all the way over here since we're a good half hour from the zoo, but I was too busy hunting for my lost turkey to worry about it.

As if losing my turkey wasn't bad enough, the neighbor's dog is driving me stark raving mad barking all the time. Soon as Thanksgiving is over, I'm going to report that dog to noise abatement. I'm stressed out enough what with being unable to find that dumb old gobbler.

I'm tuckered out all the way to my bones. I looked everywhere for that doggone turkey and it was nowhere to be found. I'm going to make myself some tea and watch some television before turning in for the night.

You all have a Happy Thanksgiving now, you hear?

If you find my turkey, call me at 555-555-555. Reward offered.